


Smiles

by CountessCzan



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: BASICALLY this is misaki's point of view, Canon Compliant, M/M, Well I tried, and heavily inspired by chapter 12, slightly possessive misaki bc come on, that ep broke my heart so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 18:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5467022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountessCzan/pseuds/CountessCzan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Who matters the most to you right now?" cuts Saruhiko, voice sharp.</p><p>The answer is obvious. It's Anna. His King.</p><p>(But if Anna is more important, why did Misaki go to Saruhiko first?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smiles

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own K-Project.
> 
> A/N: So, hey. First time writing Sarumi. I was deeply moved by the episode 12, Knuckle Bump, so this is what happens. The conversations in the last parts are taken directly from it, I just added Misaki's thoughts with it. Y'know, to make it more painful.
> 
> I've come across a post on Tumblr, about Lost Small World. It's a compilation of how much smiles Yata gives when they were younger and together. I thought it was a huge difference to anime-Yata, who shouts at everything angrily and rarely smiles. So here. Lots of Lost Small World refs. and the latest ep.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this, and please do leave some comments below on what you think.

 

* * *

 

 

When Saruhiko leaves, Misaki forgets how to smile.

 

* * *

  
  
Misaki smiles at everyone easily, because pretending he’s happy makes him convinced that he truly is. He smiles even brighter when he encounters the natural phenomenon that is Fushimi Saruhiko, one who dazzles him so much without even uttering kind words. Saruhiko is a rough, rough patch of stone for Misaki, one whose phrases cut and leaves him dazed. But he does not mind, because Saruhiko is so awesome and he is so cool and isn’t he just perfect?  
  
Misaki smiles because he hears Saruhiko’s laugh for the first time. It’s horrible, the way Misaki’s pubescent voice cracks and squeaks in an imitation of a girl’s, just so he could convince Aya Oogai’s mother, and it turns worse when he hears the laughter spilling out from the said girl’s lips. It is a blight to his pride, but then Saruhiko laughs. Saruhiko’s laugh leaves him stunned; it’s practically a herculean feat to pry a smile out of Saruhiko. Misaki protests, red at the face and dignity stomped on, at Saruhiko’s laughter and teasing antics. He hides a smile beneath his hand.  
  
There is always a grin on Misaki’s face every morning they meet. It is a routine; Misaki would play the part of the carefree idiot, and Saruhiko would play the part of the emo friend. They would bicker and argue childishly, with Misaki’s half-angry protests and Saruhiko’s subtle but not cruel insults. Looking at Saruhiko leaves Misaki breathless; there is a whole galaxy on his eyes, dotted with stars and asteroids and planets, but also filled with black holes that hosts the void that Misaki knows Saruhiko hides. Saruhiko fascinates him.  
  
For Misaki, the most beautiful part of Saruhiko is his mind. It is enchanting. He knows he is too stupid to comprehend the art that is Saruhiko’s intelligence, yet like the starved viewer he is, he itches to reach out and graze it with just a smidge of his fingertips. Saruhiko is brilliant, in more ways than one.  
  
_Saruhiko, Saruhiko, Saruhiko,_ is his every breath, every stutter of his heart. He is humbled by him.  
  
Misaki beams because Saruhiko chooses him. He chooses to throw away the future that he could have, the potential and vast possibilities that is offered to Saruhiko. He throws it away because Misaki, idiot Misaki who can’t even pass an exam, chooses not to go to high school. Misaki smiles giddily and when Saruhiko smiles back, he wonders why he ever felt guilty about making Saruhiko live with him.  
  
Their place is nothing extravagant; in fact it is downright dilapidated. They have little money to spend, no food to eat; all they have are smiles and the comfort of being with each other. Misaki has never been happier in his life. Saruhiko is away from that blasted father of his, if you can even call Fushimi Niki as one, and Misaki swears to protect Saruhiko because Saruhiko is life itself to Misaki. He is every instant thought for Misaki; he is the tree that Misaki will always cling to, the tree that sustains him whatever he needs. With Saruhiko, there is no need to worry because he knows that Saruhiko can conquer the world. He is an emperor stuck inside the body of a teenager, too precious and too rare for this world.  
  
_Saruhiko, Saruhiko, Saruhiko._  
  
There are times, of course, when the stress of being so lost in a big world with nobody but themselves to depend on mounts up to unbelievable heights and then snaps, and that is when Misaki’s smiles falter. When Saruhiko gets more and more antsy, or rude, or his “tch” increases about five times more than the usual, Misaki’s smile dims. Sometimes it even disappears, because Misaki remembers the promise he swore to himself, that he would protect Saruhiko, that he would be all Saruhiko needs. It is those times that Misaki wholeheartedly wishes for someone to just save them, because he cannot handle it anymore. He wishes for a hero not for himself, but for Saruhiko.  
  
(They meet one. The Red King, he’s called. Suoh Mikoto is amazing. Misaki’s happy because finally, he and Saruhiko can be saved.)  
  
Misaki smiles because they finally have power that they want. He smiles because he can finally be on equal terms with Saruhiko. He smiles because when they fight, they fight together, through blood and bones and steel and guts, with fire and bats and knives, with each other.  
  
(“Yata Misaki, of the Red Clan!” Misaki says enthusiastically, with burning fervor in his eyes. He looks to his side pointedly, where Saruhiko is coolly standing, _with him with him with him_ , and with a small ‘tch’ Saruhiko drawls, “..Fushimi Saruhiko, Red Clansman.”  
  
They both chorus. “..will take you on!”)

 

* * *

  
  
“Ne, Yata-chan, sorry about this,” whispers Kusanagi to him one afternoon in the bar. “But doesn’t Fushimi-kun seem awfully upset today?”  
  
Misaki steals a look at Saruhiko, who looks at him questioningly. Misaki grins impishly. Saruhiko rolls his eyes and flicks him off.  
  
“Nah, don’t worry,” answers Misaki, not really concerned. “That’s just his usual face. Maybe he’s just constipated.”  
  
“If you say so,” Kusanagi says, doubtful. Mikoto walks inside the bar and Misaki turns towards him.

 

* * *

  
  
  
Mikoto-san is yet another person that blinds Misaki. Misaki sees Saruhiko in Mikoto, both with their lazy attitude and power inside of their body. Slowly, Misaki smiles not just because of Saru, but with the addition of his king and Totsuka and Anna and Kusanagi and everyone.  
  
(Late at night, when Saru is sleeping, Misaki steals into the upper bunk and stares at his friend’s peaceful face. Misaki feels blessed.)

 

* * *

  
  
  
There is a telltale sting on his red-rimmed eyes. The loud clock that is situated on the wall of HOMRA’s basement ticks irritatingly, so with a burst of fire, Misaki destroys it.  
  
It is the third day since Saruhiko’s betrayal.  
  
It still stings. The inevitable clench of his heart whenever he thinks about his best friend leaving him. He does not understand. He does not comprehend.  
  
Misaki’s mother once said that ‘it is the pain that makes us so human after all’ but Misaki thinks, no, it isn’t, it makes a monster out of everybody. He is aware of his freezing toes but he does not care. He knows the ache in his back from doing nothing but lying, helplessly sobbing every time he remembers ~~his~~ Saru. He takes note of the gnawing hunger in his stomach, ignored and unattended. Pain doesn’t make Misaki human. Pain makes Misaki a monster.  
  
It clouds his pathetic mind. They say that when people get angry, they see red. In Misaki’s case, he sees blue. He sees the blue that took away Saruhiko from HOMRA. He sees the blue that Saruhiko readily accepts. He sees the ugly, ugly blue that Saruhiko wore stiffy but with pride, and he remembers the last red he has seen on Saruhiko: the red of the Mikoto’s power, burning the insignia on his heart, forever tainted.  
  
Misaki breaks down once more.

 

* * *

  
  
Pain turns to anger.  
  
Misaki is red, and he is powerful, and whilst Saruhiko’s betrayal will forever haunt him, the Saruhiko he knows is gone. He is reckless and driven by hatred, burning and wreaking havoc until Kusanagi scolds him and Totsuka reasons with him.  
  
The first time he sees Saruhiko after their fight, he sees the despicable blue and the rage in him explodes. Without warning, Misaki attacks.  
  
Saruhiko fights back.  
  
Their fights, once filled with caution and protectiveness for each other, turns into something that is dangerous and filled with seething passion. Saruhiko advances with the ugly blue and gleaming sword in his hand, and Misaki replies with the metal bat and fiery red. They parry, they clash weapons, they read each other’s movements. More often than not, Misaki is overpowered, and in the haze of pain and agonizing defeat, the thought of how awesome and powerful Saruhiko is still crosses his mind.  
  
He hates himself for thinking that. Saruhiko is the enemy, and all enemies must be defeated.

 

* * *

  
  
For HOMRA, Misaki learns how to put a mechanical smile on.

 

* * *

  
  
They fight at a dumpster. Or was it the back alley of some school? From the corner of his eye, Misaki spots a rusty fence, blocking them from escaping from each other. Not that they’ll ever do; it takes Kusanagi and that bitch from Scepter 4 to break up their fights.  
  
Misaki is backed in the corner, and Saruhiko slams the tip of his sword on the wall Misaki is leaning into. But Misaki is just as fast as Saruhiko; his bat is already an inch away from Saruhiko’s neck.  
  
They are at a stalemate, and they unconsciously lean towards each other.  
  
Saruhiko smiles triumphantly, and once again Misaki sees the galaxy that makes up Saruhiko’s eyes.  
  
Misaki also sees the matching smile on his face reflected on the traitor’s glasses.

 

* * *

  
  
When Totsuka is killed, Misaki shouts angrily. The smile on his face is now a thing of the past.  
  
When Mikoto dies, Misaki cries angrily. He feels defeated. It seems like anger is the prominent emotion he feels.  
  
He has no reason to smile anymore, does he?

 

* * *

  
  
Munakata Reisi tells him that Saruhiko might die, and Misaki’s world stops.  
  
_No_ , sings his blood, pounding furiously. _No, no, no. Not after Totsuka-san and Mikoto-san. Not Saru. **Never Saru.**_  
  
Saruhiko, who has always been a constant in his life, even when he is no longer part of HOMRA, even when Misaki believes him to be a traitor. Saruhiko, whose brilliance provokes gut clenching passion in Misaki’s stomach. Even when he is a traitor twice, first to Mikoto-san and second to Munakata, Misaki still treasures Saru.  
  
The Blue King tells him of Saruhiko’s suicide mission. Misaki seethes at the selfish king, because how dare he? To his own clansman? To _Saru_? Munakata further poses a question about whether or not Misaki thinks Saruhiko will betray the King.  
  
He does not answer, because he does not have one. Misaki doesn’t know the answer because he doesn’t know Saruhiko anymore.  
  
It’s like he was thrown into a lake filled with cold water in the middle of winter. It jerks him back and he realizes that even after Saruhiko’s betrayal, there’s still a part of that monkey that Misaki understands. Misaki usually can’t understand Saruhiko, but there’s always been a part of him that knows and reacts accordingly to his former friend’s words and actions. To Misaki, it’s like understanding Saruhiko is a reflex; an instant reaction to a stimulus, without needing further thought process.  
  
When they ride the blimp, Misaki is torn between sticking with the plan first and finding Saruhiko. Conflicted emotions fill him. Anna hands him a beautiful red marble and assures him that it’s okay to go to Saruhiko first, because Anna understands that even when she is Misaki’s King, Saruhiko is Misaki’s world.  
  
(After all, Misaki only smiles to the fullest extent when he and Saruhiko dances with their weapons and powers.)  
  
Misaki is standing on the terrace of the aircraft, watching the congregation of green clansman and the lone blue figure when he spots the ground opening up. His breath catches.  
  
Saru isn’t a traitor. Saru, also, is a dead man stuck deep inside a jungle with hungry predators inside of it.  
  
( _C’mon c’mon let’s just crash already why is it taking so long I need to go c’mon c’mon C’MON--_ )  
  
When they crash the blimp, the shock of the impact doesn’t register at all. Misaki jumps down instantly and rides his skateboard down the huge rectangular hole. He speeds past green clansmen, and in his fury, they are no match to Yatagarasu of the Red Clan.  
  
He is yelling and talking to himself at the same time. Shouts of “Saruhiko!” burst out from his lips, along with lines of “Bastard, where the hell are you, Saruhiko?!” and “Damn you, trying to look good all by yourself!”, all whilst engaging green clansmen.  
  
“If you die without telling me anything, I’ll never forgive you,” Misaki says, with conviction. His fist hurt from clenching too much, but his heart hurts worse.  
  
When he breaks into the room where Saruhiko is, he sees Sukuna Goujo from the Green Clan and for once in his life, Misaki’s anger isn’t blue. It’s green, the obnoxious bright green glowing like a scythe, about to attack Saruhiko ( _he’s alive he’s alive_ ), so Misaki moves on instinct and hits the weapon with his own. The brat is surprised. Misaki hovers before Saruhiko, body tensed for a fight.  
  
Sukuna smirks, “Oh, are you switching players? Fine with me!” and Misaki is utterly pissed that he just strikes the kid in an attempt to incapacitate him. The green clansman evades, but his position is off, and his scythe slams down to the concrete floor.  
  
Misaki wastes no second in grabbing Saruhiko and flinging him on his back. Escape. Escape. They need to escape _._ Saruhiko is injured and that is Misaki’s top priority.  
  
“Saruhiko? You still alive?!” Misaki questions because what if he isn’t? What if Saruhiko is dead? What if he’s too late? “Oy, Saru!”  
  
Misaki’s heart squeezes painfully, until--  
  
“You’re late.” And Misaki is so, so relieved he wants to cry and smile at the same time. Because Saruhiko is still alive, the world hasn’t ended yet, and it’s okay. Instead Misaki settles for a gasp.  
  
“And you call yourself the clan’s lead attacker?” snarks Saruhiko, voice small.  
  
“What a joke,” continues his friend, and Misaki’s hackles rise.  
  
“Shut up!” snaps Misaki. He stops looking at Saruhiko ( _who looks so pale, because that damn monkey must have been neglecting his vegetables again_ ) and stares straightforward.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” What a dumb question. _Why should he tell you?_ A voice inside Misaki asks.  
  
“You know I can’t talk about top secret missions, stupid. Couldn’t you guess?” And yet Saruhiko still answers him.  
  
Misaki grits his teeth furiously. “How was I supposed to guess just from that?!” His voice sharp and cutting. The hot fury that was pounding in his blood subsides, and he lowers his voice because he wants answers now. He is so done with questioning and doubting and feeling guilty, of the endless cycle of blame and hatred between them. Misaki is done with entertaining Saruhiko’s hate, because that’s what he’s been doing all this time. He’s been pathetically yet subconsciously asking for Saruhiko’s attention, for Saruhiko’s hate and anger, for _Saruhiko_ himself.  
  
“You’ve always been like this.. Yeah, I’m stupid!” admits Misaki without regret, voice cracking ever so slightly in the end. He is stupid and he is nothing compared to the existence of Fushimi Saruhiko, who, to this day, still mesmerizes him. “That’s why unless you won’t tell me, I won’t get it.”  
  
Saruhiko’s voice is weak when he replies, “Would you have understood even if I told you?”  
  
_No, of course not. I’m just a mere commoner to an emperor like you. You are fit to conquer, Saruhiko. Of course I wouldn’t have understood you. You’re better. You always have been. I’m not worthy._  
  
But those words aren’t the words he said. “Then say it in a way I understand! Keep saying it until I _do_ understand!”  
  
Misaki is tired of not understanding. Misaki wants to know why, when Saruhiko left, he took away Misaki’s ability to smile.  
  
“If you didn’t tell me anything, and you died..” continues Misaki. “I would’ve thought you were a traitor forever!”  
  
“I _am_ a traitor,” replies Saruhiko.  
  
“No you’re not!” shouts Misaki. “You risked your life to go this far for the Blue King.. Just as I would for Mikoto-san and Anna..That means to you, the Blue King was your king all along!” And the truth, when Misaki finally says it, doesn’t hurt anymore. Saruhiko IS a blue clansman, loyal to his king like how Misaki is to Anna. Saruhiko once belonged to HOMRA, but now he has found and built a home in the stiff house of the Blues. Saruhiko isn’t a traitor. He is loyal; he just needed someone worth being loyal to.  
  
There’s a pang inside Misaki’s heart when the thought occurs. _Why couldn’t you be loyal to me, Saru?_  
  
“..Fushimi Saruhiko of Scepter 4 is a stand up guy in my book.”  
  
Fushimi Saruhiko of HOMRA, of the Red Clansman, was someone who betrayed and burned the deepest friendship he had made.  
  
Fushimi Saruhiko of Scepter 4, of the Blue Clansman, is someone who risked his life in an act of unwavering loyalty to his King.  
  
And that’s enough for Misaki.  
  
\--  
  
When the battle was over, Misaki stands in front of the hole the brat has fallen into, Saruhiko by his side.  
  
“’Go home’? Since when did you start giving lectures to kids? What, are you all grown up now?” Amusement laces Saruhiko’s voice.  
  
Misaki plops down to the floor, exhausted. “Shut up. I don’t know if I’m grown up, but I’m not a kid anymore.” He pants heavily.  
  
_“Yata-san? Yata-san!”_ Kamamoto’s voice echoes. _“Can you hear me? Where are you?”_  
  
“Hey, Kamamoto,” answers Misaki. “Saruhiko is okay. Well, sort of..” There’s still the wound to his thigh that worries Misaki.  
  
_“That’s good news. Anna, Fushimi is okay! But please hurry. We can’t start unless you get to your floor, Yata-san.”_  
  
For once in his life, Misaki feels like disobeying the King’s order. He chases the feeling away and responds, “Yeah.. Got it.”  
  
His hesitation wasn’t evident, but obviously Saruhiko picks up on it, because he’s Saruhiko. “Go,” orders his friend. “And count me out of this one. Or I’ll be working overtime without pay.”  
  
“But you’re..” _Injured. Harmed. Not Okay. Alone. But Saru, I don’t want to leave._  
  
“Who matters the most to you right now?” cuts Saruhiko, voice sharp.  
  
The answer is obvious. It’s Anna. His King.  
  
(But if Anna is more important, why did Misaki go to Saruhiko first?)  
  
“Anna.” _Saruhiko._  
  
“Then hurry up and get going. You do your job. I can get out of here by myself.”  
  
He is about to leave when Saruhiko calls him.  
  
“Misaki.”  
  
Misaki turns around.  
  
Saruhiko looks at him with cool eyes. There is no more hatred or anger in it.  
  
“I’ll think about how to say things so that even a fool can understand.”  
  
“Let’s talk some more later, then!”  
  
And Misaki remembers how to smile.

  
  
_**finis** _


End file.
